Before You Say I Do- Wedding Thingy
People get married daily, weekly, monthly and yearly. But before you say I do, how prepared are you? preparing to get married is a thing of joy, especially when you’ll be spending the rest of your life with someone you really love and cherish. Congratulations to everyone in that category. But before you say I do, there are things you need to consider. Marriage is the only school or institution where you receive the certificate before you resume. The wedding ceremony is just for a day, but marriage is FOREVER. The wedding will be attended by a crowd but it is only you and your spouse that will sail through the marriage boat, through the stormy weather, when it is smooth and when the tide comes.
So just before you say I do, how much do you know? And do you agree with all that you know about him/her? The agreement is the basis of LOVE. The scripture in the third verse of the third book of Amos says ‘Can two walk together except they agree?
It is essential to realize that you and your lover have strengths and weaknesses. Once you say I do, you are not only accepting the strengths, you are also accepting the weaknesses. You need to discuss so many things in the course of your relationship. A relationship shouldn’t just be about ‘you are the love of my life, the apple of my life….blah, blah, blah. It’s a time to discuss and share your views on life issues.
The following are worthy of discussion before you say I do:
GOALS: It is essential to share your goals and aspirations with your partner so that you don’t get married and then surprises start to set in. Some men will say once she has my kids, she can’t work. You both need to agree on that first, Make marriage goals together; the number of kids, child spacing etc.
TOGETHERNESS: Ensure that your partner also believes that there should be communication so that you can both open up to each other at any given time you wish to. You should both know the time to spend together because some people have jobs that keep them away for months and sometimes years. Talk about it now!
COMMUNICATION: In every marriage, communication is key, make sure each and every one of you can freely relate to each other and communicate to each other when the need arises because it’s key. You should be able to express your feelings at every given time.
FINANCIAL ISSUES: It is important to know the views of your partner when it comes to spending and also an investment. You both need to have a family budget; your children education, other bills to take care of in the house and your children upkeep. This is really important because money issues have broken a lot of homes.
SOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS: Talk about your relationship with friends and family members after marriage. Talk about the possibility of siblings or parents coming to live with you after marriage. Talk about how to deal with in-laws.
SOCIAL BEHAVIOUR: Talk about your individual habits or behaviours; drinking, smoking and clubbing. Your partner must know your views on such things to avoid misunderstanding s
SUBMISSION AND RESPECT: Share your views on the level of submission and respect because you both came from different backgrounds, Families and even tribes.
PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE: Talk about your religious beliefs, and also different angles you see life before you say I do
ISSUES IN THE HOME: Talk about the cooking, laundry and cleanliness of the house. Some ladies will say they can’t cook every day, that the man should also enter the kitchen. Hmmnn talk about it now oh! Some people cannot hand wash clothes it’s either you buy a washing machine or you send the clothes to the dry-cleaner. Talk about it now! Now it’s the right time to talk about how the laundry is going to be done and how the cooking is going to be done. These are very important because these same issues have broken many homes.
WEAKNESSES AND STRENGTHS: Talk about each other’s weaknesses, some people have weaknesses like pride, anger, stinginess, unfriendliness etc. talk about them. It’s also important to talk about your strengths, one of the good things about marriage is that one partner can complement the other. There are couples that the man could be the shy type and the lady is the bold type. They should be able to compliment each other
HOBBIES AND INTERESTS: We all have different hobbies and interests. It is important, that your partner knows what yours are. Sports: football, table-tennis, basketball, golf etc. Music: Rhythm and blues, Rap, classical, country, rock etc. Movies: action, comedy, romance, sci-fi etc.
HEALTH ISSUES: Talk about health issues before you say I do. The kind of medical consultancy you use. Some believe Government owned hospitals have better and more qualified doctors while some only visit private hospitals. Some people don’t believe in taking medication, they just pray. Talk about it now! Talk about weight issues too, some like orobo while some want lepa for life. Well, talk about it coz when the babies come, she might grow fat oh!
HABITS: Talk about the good habits; time to sleep/ time to wake up: some people sleep by 12 am and wake up at 5 am and they are ok, while some sleep by 9 am and still find it hard to keep their eyes open by 6. Talk about it before you say I do. Talk about your prayer time.is it at night or in the morning or even at midnight. Talk about it before you say I do. Talk about your eating hours. Settle it before you say I do. If you marry a man that eats early in the morning be prepared to wake up early every morning to cook for him
ACCOMMODATION: Some people say they can’t live outside Lagos or Abuja, some say they can only live in a duplex. Some people say they must have cooks, gate-men, gardeners and drivers in their home. Hmmm talk about it, talk about it now oo. It’s either now or never.
FOREVER/CONDITIONAL: Some people say no matter what, my marriage is forever while some say once he cheats on me it’s over. Talk about it. Some say once she doesn’t have a child, I’ll marry another woman…hmmmnn. Talk about it now
There are so many other things worth discussing but these are the few I could cover. Get your partner to share every little detail with you from the past to the present and plan for the future together. Share all the details before the big day when you’ll say ‘I DO’. Remember, forever is a looooooong time.
I wish you a great forever marriage.